Your typical game experience is largely punctuated withintense boss battles, addictive mini-games, and intriguing plot points. But, on occasion, there comes a game that finds a moment in your quest to save the world to allow you to fall in love. Or, at the very least, knock boots.
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These romantic flings and hookups are usually pretty good ways to get to know the game’s core characters, and often they work out pretty well for the player, as there are usually great rewards that come with a fully formed romantic relationship.
However, some games offer bizarre, unappealing, and unconventional romantic options that are a tough sell to any rational individual. So, to serve as a little lover’s PSA, here are some romantic options in gaming that are more unhinged than most. Swipe left for a nice time, swipe right for chaos.
For clarity, we will also consider romantic interests that are not so much choices as they are love interests tied to the game’s story.
A Troubled Soul
Stardew Valley
We kick off with a character who is admittedly a lovable but troubled soul. So really, the unhinged person is you, the player, for thinking ‘I can fix him.’
Shane is a rather rudderless individual in a small town, working a dead-end job with no sense of purpose or reason to get up in the morning. Other than hitting the bottle come the end of his shift, that is.
So, romancing him becomes a rather sinister practice of giving him his loved item, ‘Beer’, and watching him unravel.
Thankfully, at the end of his heart events, he finds purpose thanks to you, and there seems to be light at the end of the tunnel. Not to mention Blue Chickens. But the fact that a story so gritty and real was added to a cozy farming simulator is pretty wild.
Please Assume The Positon
Fallout: New Vegas
I hear you. A small-town fella being in his feelings isn’t all that unhinged. You want me to step up the pace. Well, how about a robot prostitute that you can acquire (and test out) for the Atomic Wrangler?
That’s right, the Freeside casino is struggling to bring in business between the sheets, and they need a new USP. So, you can head to the nearby abandoned Robotics factory and find a little Protectron with its personality chip in the gutter.
You can give the thing a test run there and then, and when the little guy is back at the casino, they are always willing to share the night with their favorite courier, for a fee, that is.
It’s Giving Jerry Seinfeld in Bee Movie
Sonic the Hedgehog
Cards on the table, this one is cheating very slightly, as this isn’t as much an option as an unfortunate narrative decisionon SEGA’s behalf.However, for us to ignore the time that Sonic participated in bestiality would be a glaring omission on our part.
Sonic The Hedgehog 06 is a nefariously bad game for more reasons than one, as it plays terribly, has numerous bugs, and features questionable design choices at best. However, you could argue that the setting and story are at least somewhat redeeming, as Sonic tries to save Princess Elise.
However, this isn’t just a typical hero and damsel-in-distress situation. This is an awkward love story, as later in the story, the literal human girl Elise makes out with the famous blue hedgehog in a scene that will make you all kinds of uncomfortable. I guess we know why Amy never stood a chance with Sonic now.
Fatal Attraction
Mass Effect Trilogy
When you commit to a romantic relationship in a video game, you know the risks. You know you might get your heart broken, you know you might piss off other people that might have been keen to sleep with the hero of the story. But you never consider that a romantic relationship could prove fatal.
But, in Mass Effect, if you decide to sleep with Morinith, you’re pretty much signing your own death warrant.
You see, she suffers from a rare genetic disorder that ensures that her lovers enjoy sexual pleasure like nothing they have ever witnessed before if they lie with her. But, the catch is that your brain will hemorrhage during and you’ll die while doing the deed.
This seductress really does sell it as a truly unmissable experience. But, despite her claims that Shepard won’t die like the rest, they will, and it won’t be pretty. So, do yourself a favor, think with your head, and not what’s downstairs.
6Angel/Skye
Rolling The Dice
Cyberpunk 2077
Fextralife Wiki
Cyberpunk 2077 is a pretty sexually charged and adventurous game at times, and this couldn’t be more true when you follow the main quest that takes you to a club where you can enjoy a brain dance with some of the local talent. On the surface, there isn’t much unhinged about that, provided you are open to lying with a sex worker.
However, this can either be a sexual awakening or a horror show, depending on what name you choose when offered a brain dance.
You are offered either Angel or Skye, and because both of these names are pretty feminine, you are pretty much rolling the dice on which traditional gender you get.
You see, if you pick Angel, which is arguably the more feminine name of the two. You’ll end up grinding against a burly dude keen to give you a good time. Everyone’s entitled to their own sexual proclivities, and let a thousand blossoms bloom. But come on, tell a guy first.
5The Emperor
Mindflayer? More Like Mind-layer
Baldur’s Gate 3
While this one may happen exclusively in a dream sequence, it’s just too good not to mention. Sure, you can literally romance a freaking bear in this game, but the romance option with The Emperor somehow manages to top that on the absurdity charts.
As you enter the third act, you come to learn that your Dreamlover is in facta Mindflayer known as The Emperor, and while you could recoil and kill this disgusting creature there and then, that would in fact result in your death. In short, you’re in too deep at this point.
So, instead, if you lean into the madness and appeal to the Mindflayer in conversation. Eventually leading to a scene where they take to the air, disrobe, and get down and dirty with the tentacled creature.
Then, to add to the shamefulness of it all, your companions can see the whole thing as your Mindflayer lover gets a little distracted and caught up in the passion of it all. Sometimes, lying with the enemy is all too tempting, but this is taking it to the extreme.
After-School Activities
Persona as a series has never been known to shy away from taboo topics, cringeworthy moments, and narrative decisions that push the envelope.
However, the romance has been, for the most part, between two teenage lovers. But that all changed during Persona 5, when the player was given the option to win over their teacher.
In fairness to Kawakami, the relationship that forms between her and our protagonist appears genuine and serious in nature. It’s a supportive, mature relationship, and one that allows her to see you as more than just some punk kid, just as you see her as more than just a teacher, but someone working tirelessly to make ends meet.
That said, it’s still pretty icky, as you are only seventeen, and she is a literal grown woman. I suppose it is technically legal, but the red flags are clear to see. You could argue that Joker is older than his years, but that’s hardly an excuse to go cradle robbing, eh, Kawakami?
I Like Older Men
Divinity: Original Sin 2
While all the romantic options on this list are suspect, to say the least, one thing they do have going for them is that they are all alive. The same cannot be said about the undead eternal, Fane, a potential romantic interest in Divinity 2.
Fane has a rather ghastly look when you see behind his mask, as this reveals their true form. A walking, talking skeleton. I’m all for love reigning supreme, no matter what creed or culture you belong to, but I think necrophilia is where I draw the line.
The good news is that Fane is quite skilled at concealing their true form with masks that enable them to assume new appearances. But this relic of the old world, as interesting as they may be, is basically a corpse. You don’t have to dig them out of their grave, which is a plus, but it’s a moral dilemma for sure.
2Estelle & Joshua Bright
Don’t Even Need To Change Their Last Name
The Legend of Heroes: Trails in the Sky
Regardless of how hard the Game of Thrones series tried to normalize the act of incest, believe it or not, it’s pretty frowned upon. It’s why it’s almost never been featured in any gaming media, as it’s so unpalatable; however, as with anything, there are some games that attempt to achieve shock value.
In fairness, Trails in the Sky’s Estelle and Joshua aren’t actually brother and sister, but due to the fact that Joshua was adopted as a child into the family, they might as well be.
They grew up together in a family dynamic, and despite this, they eventually came together in a way that no brother and sister should.
It’s a classic case of kissing cousins, only with these guys, they are probably doing a lot more than just kissing. It’s an interesting relationship, as fans of the series have largely been able to overlook the family ties due to their strong affection for the two characters together; however, personally, it’s a tough one to fully support.
1The Grim Reaper
Flirting With Death
The Sims 4
Admittedly, this one isn’t a relationship that the game intends you to be able to pursue. But if you happen to trigger an event and get the game’s AI sufficiently confused, you may flirt with and seduce the harbinger of death himself.
Granted, you’re able to’t marry or woohoo with the scythe-wielding doombringer without employing cheats, but if you can fill up their love bar before they deal with the fallen Sim and bounce, you will be able to have a relationship with them that is a little more than platonic, to say the least.
You will need to do some pretty dark things to even put the wheels in motion, though. You’ll need to actively kill off a Sim just to get close to him. But, I suppose if you’re willing to date the lord of the underworld, then you probably aren’t above murder and mischief.
